As most of you will know, body confidence is something that is quite close to my heart and very important to me.
After years of struggling with my body that eventually built up to obsessive behaviour and dangerous habits, I managed to snap myself out of it with the help of family, friends and truly accepting myself as I am.
This blog and all my followers on Facebook/ Instagram has been a amazing community for me to share my thoughts on the matter and whilst I don’t talk about it as much as I’d like ( it’s a topic I sometimes find hard to get my thoughts written down) I hope that my acceptance of myself come through in my posts and photos.
When someone tells me I inspire them or I’ve helped them find confidence, that is the biggest achievement of all. That was why I started this whole thing and to know that it has helped even just one person is incredible.
I talk about loving your body and loving yourself quite often and I try to lead by example. I do love myself… But I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was still a work in progress.
I no-longer look in the mirror and hate the reflection like I used to. However up until a few months ago, I still felt like I was hiding away under my clothes and somehow felt like I was deceiving you all (stupid I know but I’m just being honest here). It is hard to explain and put into words exactly how I feel. I love all the positive comments and support I get from my followers but I don’t seek approval… I would never do something I am not 100% comfortable with just to get ‘exposure’ or ‘likes’.
But at the same time, I know a lot of girls look up to me and I have a lot of girls tell me that I’m ‘perfect’.
I know how to take a good photo, I know my angles and what flatters my shape. It’s easier to be confident in a swing dress which hides the parts of me that are harder to love. It worries me that girls think I am ‘perfect’ based on what they see on my social media.
So I set myself a little challenge- to shoot some vintage Boudoir sets to prove to myself that I won’t scare everyone away at the sight of me in my undergarments. My body and every body is beautiful in its own unique way and I shouldn’t be ashamed of my cellulite and wobbly bits. I wanted to be able to create beautiful images in really embrace my shape and show it off. No swing dresses allowed!
Why is this so important to me? It’s not about me taking my clothes off to feel good, it’s about me plucking up the courage to do something that really scared me. To push past and conquer those last remaining body demons and self-doubt and say to the world ‘Screw you, this is me and I look fabulous’.
The first shoot after this resolution was with Studio 81. I wore my Orchard Corset CS-426 corset and Kiss Me Deadly sheer robe and was pretty covered up all things considered.
I love how these images turned out and still have some more to share Jeff and Dorin made me feel very much at ease and the robe gave me a great security blanket.
Next, was with Elizabeth J Photography. We had the use of this gorgeous Opera Studio one Monday afternoon and the Rago Body Briefer and Betty Blues Loungerie Robe was sort of a last minute decision when packing up my things for the shoot. When Liz and I shoot, it’s almost always with a purpose- I have items that I want to review on the blog and have photos taken of them. I thought it would be fun for us to do something that was ‘just because’!
The body briefer felt a little more exposed but I’ve shot with Liz so many times now that I felt really comfortable… Just a little worried someone might come up the stairs! I really pushed myself with this shoot. I embraced my body and my curves and loved the result.
Finally, just a few weeks ago, I shot with Handcrafted Stories and Liz as the second shooter. Tony was wanting models to do bridal Boudoir images and I thought it was a great opportunity to try something new.
After we had done some with my veil, we took some more down in the cellar of the historic homestead. I love the rawness of these photos. This outfit was the most challenging yet in terms of me mentally not freaking out! I had no shape wear on unlike the previous shoots so it literally was my body as is… I felt great!
Finally shooting boudoir after it frightening me so, was extremely liberating. I felt like I broke out of the chains my brain has somehow associated with my body and felt celebratory of how far I’d come since those dark years.
The point of all of this is for my to say that while I probably come off very confident, I still have things to work on. I don’t think I will ever stop working on trying to love my body more. It will go through so many changes in my lifetime but it will also do do many amazing things that I should be thankful for.
I am now at the point where I can focus less on loving it from a outside perspective as I’m feel really good and steady about that… Now I need to show it more love on the inside. I can’t keep treating it the way I have been- eating crap food and not exercising.
My new goal is to be better at nourishing my body. I used to be so much more focussed on this but being so busy last year, nutrition took a bit of a back seat.
But enough is enough and I’ve got to take ownership of the fact that only I am responsible for what goes into my body. Inspired by Fuller Figure Fuller Busts health boost, it’s now been three weeks since I started eating yummy salads at lunch, snacking on nuts and dried fruit and just trying to eat less processed stuff.
It’s all about being organised for me… I can be so busy at work that when I get a chance to have something to eat and there’s nothing prepared, I’ll go for the fastest, easiest option- which normally means takeaway food!
I’m not dieting, I still have chocolate and wine and cheese but just eating and enjoying a salad is a achievement for me. Just ask my mum, I’m ashamed to say it could sometimes be days or even a week between me eating vegetables!
I feel so much better for this change. Within just a couple of days of my new, improved eating, I felt like I was even happier with my body!
Anyway, what I am trying to say amongst all this rambling is that l’m not perfect at all this, I still have things to work on. It takes time and positive choices but all things are achievable! I know what it feels like to be in that black hole of despair when you think you’ll be happy if you could just ‘get skinny’. But trust me, you’ll get lose the weight and still be unhappy. Make decisions based on being healthy, not skinny and stop letting those discouraging thoughts enter your head.
For the ladies that tell me I’m ‘perfect’ and ‘I wish I could be you’… thank you, I know you are complimenting me, but you will have amazing traits or talents in areas where I’m lacking. Never try to be anyone else but your beautiful self.
For more reading on self-love and body acceptance, have a read through my Body Confidence tab here on the blog. Also I’ve started up a Facebook page for my Mirror, Mirror: Body Confidence Gatherings which will have little snippets of inspiration.
It’s never too late to start the journey towards being at peace with your body. It’s going to be with you the rest of your life so you might as well get along.
x Miss Victory Violet
Categories: Body Confidence